Good Things

Let's Get Going!

2009-04-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Hi Ladies!

I'd like to get this blog going again. God is doing some mighty things among His people--among women! If you happen to drop by here, please pray for me as I seek His direction in keeping up with this blog.

If you've never stopped by here, take a look and see if it's beneficial to you. Give me some input and let's see where this leads!

Blessings!

How's Your Love Life?

2007-04-26T16:24:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel grouchy?

Are you laughing because I even had the nerve to write out that question as if somehow I might answer no?

Well, I do feel grouchy sometimes and I suppose we all do. Did you know that feeling grouchy and acting grouchy actually don't have to go hand in hand? I have been hung up on this verse for awhile now:

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. (1 John 4:20-21)

How's your love life? I would not say that I hate anyone. In my heart, I don't believe that I do. Yet, sometimes I act in quite an unlovely manner. I get hurt easily by a misspoken word and I want to scowl and ignore the speaker. Or, I hold tightly to some material object when I know that someone else needs it more than I do. Sometimes I simply refuse to shine. (See Matthew 5:16 if you aren't sure what I mean there!)

As a child of God--a daughter of the King--how's your love life? Do those around you know that the source of all love--the being of all love--lives in you? Do you wives wake up joyfully in the presence of your husbands? Moms, how's the homelife with screaming kids these days? Single ladies, are your happier moments spent in front of the t.v. with a Lean Cuisine entree instead of hanging out with women and families of the faith?

"We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord And we pray that all unity may one day be restored And they'll know we are Christians by our love, by our love They will know we are Christians by our love."

Are you struggling to improve your love life? What are you doing in your life to strengthen it? How are you helping others to know that "we are Christians?"

Share with us here...

Carol Ann's Story

2007-03-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hello ladies!

I have wanted to get some other people to share their stories here at "Good Things." We'll begin with my friend's testimony of meeting her spouse. Here's what God did in Carol Ann's life:

I had just served two years overseas on the mission field and returned home to attend seminary. I felt strongly that the Lord wanted me to study and be prepared before I did any more long term missions work overseas. During this time I was asking the Lord whether or not He wanted me to marry. I was single and desired a husband and family but I was not dating anyone and had no prospects. As I prayed through this, the Lord brought a peace and showed me that I needed to focus on Him and allow Him to work in my life to clean out some areas and refine me and that my focus should not be on searching out the perfect guy but in becoming the woman of God I needed to be.

Not too long after this surrender, the Lord allowed me to casually meet Tommy Kiker at a praise and worship service on the seminary campus in the Spring of 2002. Neither of us thought much about this meeting and we went our separate ways. We would see each other on campus but it was nothing more. The summer of 2002, Tommy was taking summer classes and had begun the PhD program. I had returned home and had come back to campus for a couple of days that summer when we met each other in the parking lot and had a great conversation about what the Lord had called us to do. I left the conversation thinking "He's such a great guy, too bad his heart is for the local church and not overseas" and I went home. For Tommy, it put a spark in his heart and he began to pray about pursuing me. By the time school started back in August, Tommy knew he was to pursue getting to know me. We began to talk more on campus and he asked me out on our first date at the end of August.

By September of that year Tommy had fasted and prayed and knew he was to marry me. I, on the other hand, was not so sure about it. I knew there was something special about him and I was drawn to him and had never been pursued by a man like he pursued me but I needed the Lord to confirm this relationship in my life. By December, after praying and asking the Lord to speak to me about this relationship, I was reading the Word of God and the Lord used a passage of Scripture to show me that Tommy was the one I was to marry. By January we were engaged and on July 12, 2003 we were married in a worshipful celebration.

The Lord used so many small things to show me that Tommy was the right person for me. The Lord used and is still using this relationship to refine me and mold me more into the image of Christ. The confirmations came from years of praying and asking the Lord to bring the right spiritual leader into my life, one that I could trust with the deepest parts of my heart. I had many lists in my head of what I desired my husband to be like and Tommy far exceeded them! My family and close friends were supportive of our relationship and most of all the Lord used His word and the Holy Spirit to confirm in my heart that this man was the one whom I could serve alongside and be his helpmate. When Tommy and I married I was 26 years old and he was 30. We were both virgins and the Lord used this and is still using this to bring glory to Himself! To Him be the GLORY!

Loving Your Husband

2007-02-15T17:08:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day has come and gone! We have a single, fake rose in a vase on our table. When you push a button, it sounds off Fur Elise for us and the petals start to glow. My husband didn't give it to me, but he seems to like it. In fact, my husband didn't give me anything for Valentine's Day. I guess I should have sulked and walked around gloomily, but I didn't. How could I? Yesterday the Lord reminded me of a well known passage:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

That passage (Ephesians 5:25-33) reminded me what a husband's true love for his wife should look like. First of all, my husband should lead me in truth. His ability to use the Word to help me become more Christlike demonstrates his love for me. He gives himself up, as did Christ, in order to cleanse me and make me blameless. How does he do that? He guides me and reminds me of my true love, Christ. In my case, one of the things my husband did for me yesterday was to point me to the fact that the most important act in life is to obey God. He modeled for me incredible forgiveness and gave up his own desires in order to spend time with me. He prayed for me.

Women, love your husbands. Respect your husbands. If you're not married yet, begin to pray that God will give you an attitude of love and respect towards your future spouse if God has marriage in store for you. I did not include the verses prior to this passage that talk about our responsibility as women, but basically it tells us to respect and love our husbands. I have found that when I allow my husband to lead me and I submit to his loving guidance, he respects me. In turn, I find it easier to continue loving and respecting him. Do I always do it correctly? No. When my husband modeled incredible forgiveness for me yesterday it was because he had to forgive me. I pouted and I grumbled about something I don't even remember now, but he forgave me. He put me before his wounded feelings and loved me. How can I not love him in return?

Do you find yourself in a difficult marriage? Are you an independent single who feels that submission and respect are for Christian women of the past? My sisters, God's word remains God's word for the ages. It never changes and it never misleads us. If you find yourself in a situation that makes you think that loving your husband (present or future) is something you cannot do with submission and respect, I urge you to seek God's word. Pray that God will lead you and that He will help you to fall in love with His word. Pray that you will love God more. I have found that the more I keep my eyes on the cross, the easier it becomes to love my husband. I have also found that when it gets difficult, it's often my own shortcomings that irritate me and urge in me an inward "me" focus. Loving others becomes rather difficult when I look at me and not towards Jesus!

As I end this today, I will say a prayer for anyone who might stumble across this message. Wherever you stand--loving strongly or weakly--only the Great Lover of our Souls can truly fuel your ability to love. Look at Him today and let Him teach you to love.

Out of Touch

2007-01-29T18:14:00.000-08:00

Hello, my friends!

Have you ever felt out of touch? Perhaps your communication with a dear friend waned. Maybe you left a loved home and found yourself in a new community. I do believe that all of us go through moments of disconnectedness--moments of insecurity and uncertaint. Sadly, often those moments tend to lead us slowly down a path away from our Creator, rather than into His comforting arms. I know. I have lived it, too.

I seemed to have disappeared from this blog. Actually, it seems that I have disconnected with the world. Thankfully, past experiences of allowing myself to retreat from God have taught me that in these moments of change I must cling to Him, because He is the only constant in my life.

I have returned to blogging. I'd like to get this blog going again. More input, more ideas, more real life testimonies of godly women.

Since we "walked through" some singleness issues (at times lolling...at times leaping), the next few posts will simply share some real life stories. Some will be filled with love, while others will echo lament. All, I hope, will encourage each of us to seek God's face.

Let's get un-disconnected together!

PS--I have been reading Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Raunikar lately. I bought it when I attended seminary and never read it. It's mainly written for singles, but it's rather insightful for any woman--or man. Check it out!
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From a Wise Woman

2006-11-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

No, I haven't met her personally, but I did listen to her speak at seminary once and I have enjoyed her books. I'd like to share a bit from Nancy Leigh DeMoss to sum up the months behind and move on to a new topic. This comes from her book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, mentioned in my links to the right.

Here's some wisdom from Nancy Leigh DeMoss concerning singleness:

*The Truth is that happiness is not found in (or out of) marriage; it is not found in any human relationship. True joy can only be found through Christ.

*The Truth is that God has promised to give us everything we need, and if He knows a husband would make it possible for us to bring greater glory to Him, then He will provide a husband.

*The Truth is that contentment is not found in having everything we think we want but in choosing to be satisfied with what God has already provided.

The Truth is that those who insist on having their way often end up in unnecessary heartache, while those who wait on the Lord always get His best.

I hope this has been of encouragement for you as you wait on the Lord to give you His best!

If you have suggestions for other topics you'd like to share or that you'd like to receive another point of view about, leave a comment so we can get it going!

The Final Lies

2006-11-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

9. If I don't find him soon, I will have to sacrifice some of my deepest convictions about marriage in order to find him.

10. I need to flirt and go out with more men--that way I'll surely find the one God has planned for me!

Ok, it took me a long time to get through the list of lies. I'm doing these two together because they go together.

Do you believe that you should marry a Christian? What are your beliefs on divorce and remarriage? What about children? Those are a very few of the questions you should ask yourself before marrying someone. And, once you have a solid answer, why would you change it just to have a wedding ring? See, your convictions will help you to be sure that the man you are about to say "I do" to will help you to grow in your walk as a Christian. An example in my life is my conviction on divorce and remarriage. After much study and consideration, I came to believe that God absolutely abhors divorce, and that if one does divorce--although not the preferred option--remarriage is not an option. Again, that is my view. Not all Christians agree, and this is not a post on divorce and remarriage. But, I knew that I would not marry someone who had been divorced. I am glad that I don't have to deal with all of the issues that come along with that. I would not have married a non-Christian. Period. You see, if you abandon your convictions in order to get married, you'll most likely only put them on hold for awhile. Later, after some time being married, they'll start to nag you...they'll resurface. You'll either struggle with feelings of guilt or you'll suddenly expect your husband to change to fit those convictions. But, if you put aside your convictions to get married, the consequences are a result of your choices. Don't forget that!

*Note--I'm talking about theological, Biblical convicitons--not the "I want him to have brown hair" or "But, dinner is always at 5pm!" stuff!

Lie number 10--Don't flirt. One--it's really not becoming. I know all of the hip women's magazines encourage it, but since when do daughters of the King take their advice from the hip women's magazines? (They now tell high school seniors how to end Prom Night in bed with their date...really...I've seen those magazines!)

Why not flirt?

One: In a way, you're giving a piece of yourself--your heart, your gaze, your emotions--to someone who very well may not end up being your husband. If he's not your husband, does he deserve any part of you? (A preacher at our latest youth gathering put it this way, "Nobody has the right to touch the daughter of the King except the person the King has approved.")

Two: What if the one God has planned for you isn't the one you think he is, but he's present when you're fliriting? He might be turned off by it, and he might think, "God, you must be kidding!"

Three: Think about your future daughter. Think about how you want her to behave around men--around godly, solid, Christian men. Act like that.

Four: Many godly, solid, single Christian men are turned off by flirtatious women. Read Proverbs and look for all of the advice given to avoid that type of woman!

Five: Finally, if you are trusting God with your love life--HONESTLY trusting Him, you don't need to flirt. He'll provide your husband in His moment and in His way.

My dear sister, live free! God has set you free to love Him and to adore Him and to enjoy your relationship with Him! Love Him...obey Him...and be the Woman of God that He has designed you to be. Seek first HIS kingdom and His righteousness, and all other things will be added.

I'll be praying for you.

Lie Number 8...the List

2006-10-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

Have you ever made a list of gifts you want for Christmas? I was a gift hungry little girl in my younger years, so every year I had quite a long list. My parents certainly didn't have the resources to buy every single gift on those lists. I often awoke on Christmas morning to find one item from that list under the tree. But, to my awe and joy I often found several other "little" gifts that never made my list. Those little gifts surprised me and I delighted in the loving touches my parents demonstrated to me by finding things that fit my person and character more than the "stuff" I thought I wanted from the outstart.

Friends, ladies, countrywomen...we've made a grave error by making "perfect guy lists!" Before you click the back button...or search for a new website...hear me out.

"Should I just accept any 'ole guy who comes my way, then?" you say to me--a bit sarcastically or angrily, because I've just challenged the list. No, of course you should not just accept any 'ole guy. My friends and I used to play the "the next guy who walks in with blue shoes on will be my husband" game. I don't recommend it.

Having a good idea of the Godly characteristics and qualities a man should have before you agree to declare your lifelong love for him is rather wise. "He's a Christian, that's good enough" doesn't cut it. Does he have the characteristics and qualities that he needs to have to accept the position of husband?

The list. Why am I so "anti-list?" It's not that I'm anti-list. It's just that it seems to me that many Christian women unknowingly sell themselves short because instead of allowing God to provide them a good and perfect gift, they look for all kinds of characteristics that they want. What I'm saying is that often our list is based more on what we think we need (want) in a man than what God knows He will provide to make us more godly. Am I losing you? Stick with me.

It comes down to this. Do you want to have to fit a list perfectly before a wonderful, strong, man of God asks you to be his wife? (If Angel had a list, I don't want to see it!) You see, I had ideas of things I would like in a man...who doesn't! But God continues to surprise me with things I hadn't thought of--or things I said "no way" to and He knows me more than me.

Bottom line: Are you willing to trust God to provide you with the man HE has planned for you--in His time and in His way? If the answer is yes, I challenge you to stop clinging to the list and simply enjoy God. Let Him pamper you and cherish you and lead you to the One He has for you.

His list is perfect.

Finishing Off the Lies

2006-10-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have not been faithful to those of you who have visited this blog. Since Angel and I are devising a better daily schedule, I hope to get it going again! (Future blog: "Why Setting a Daily Schedule is Hard When You're a Missionary). Anyway, here goes.

Lie #7: I'm content in the Lord, so now He'll send me a husband.

Listen, ladies, contentment in the Lord isn't about getting what we want. Do you remember what Paul wrote about contentment? Paul, a Bible hero to many believers, said:

10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity.
11Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.

Philippians 4:10-12 (NASB)

Contentment has to do with our trusting God. I don't know where the idea started that "contentment=I get what I want." Being content simply comes about as a result of trusting Him and living to glorify Him.

I have shared with many women--single and married alike--about the years I spent wondering if I would ever marry. When I truly came to the point where I said, "Lord, I have learned to be content in whatever circumstance I am," God did not give me a husband immediately. In fact, I felt so content in my circumstance (singleness) that I believed that God intended singleness as a way of life for me--forever. Several years later God introduced me to my husband. In God I found contentment. In Him alone I found completion.

Don't believe the lie! You see, if you think, "I have to be content in the Lord to get a husband," you will most likely find yourself less and less content in your current circumstance. Why? Because you will be trying to feign a contentment in the Lord that is not the pure abandonment of self that He desires from you. You will think, "I'm content in Him, but I'm still single; therefore, God reallyl doesn't care about that aspect of my life." IT'S A LIE! I know it can prove difficult at times. I know that the world pushes romance and love stories and candy hearts and chocolate. (By the way, the chocolate's not that bad!) But let yourself find ture contentment in the fact that a loving God does care about every aspect of your life. Let Him bring you to that point where you can agree with Paul's words. Only He can do that!

Lie number 8--"He fits my list, so he must be the one!" That blog comes in a few days. But, before you read it, ladies, please--THROW AWAY THE LIST! :)

See you next time.

Where Am I?

2006-09-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, it appears that I have disappeared. I have not forgotten that #s 7-10 deserve explanations.

I will return! This past month has had various twists and turns and therefore I have not spent much time on the computer. I will get back to you very soon to finish "the list" and then it's on to a new topic!

Thanks for your patience~

Lie #6: My loneliness will disappear once I'm married.

2006-08-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

My dear sisters! As mentioned several times before--only Christ can truly fill those spaces in our hearts. When we seek Him daily, He fills us with Himself and loneliness subsides. Married women sometimes feel lonely.

I'd like to expand on this...but I also want to get 7-10 done! I'd like to touch on this subject (#6) more once 7-10 are done, with the perspectives of married woman. Don't give up on me...hang in there!

Lie #6: Coming Soon!

2006-08-24T13:01:00.000-07:00

I've been unable to connect to the internet for about a week. We'll get 6-10 done quickly~ have patience! :)

Lie 5. I cannot express my "maternal instincts" if I do not marry.

2006-08-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

Simply stated: NOT TRUE!

Perhaps while you live the single life you will not actually become a mother, but the idea of expressing maternal instincts can be a reality in the life of a single woman. God created women to be caretakers. And, while this modern age negates what I am about to say, women have a built in, God given desire to "mother." How can one express that desire outside of marriage? Believe it or not, it is possible.

In some other posts I mentioned the joyous times I have had with nephews, my niece, and several of my "missionary" nephews and nieces. While I realize that being a mother carries much more responsibilities and efforts than being an aunt or a friend does, I believe that God has allowed me to express my "maternal instincts" by allowing me to care for and 'love on' the children of others.

Be creative and seek to involve yourself in the lives of families around you. Learn to truly involve yourself in the lives of the children of those families. I will list below some examples I have learned to incorporate into my own life. Remember, I am married but I still have no children of my own! So, I still seek to express those maternal instincts as well!

* Have an "all day camp" in your home. Instead of seeing it as "babysitting," try to view it as a way to get to know children and give their mom's a break for a day. Believe me, you will have to break out those maternal instincts!
* Have a slumber party. Again, this gives the mom's a break and you will be the one dealing with monsters in the closet for at least a night!
* Remember special days and moments in the lives of the children around you. Invite the one celebrating for a special dinner or activity with you.
* Spend time--a lot of time--with families. Believe me, when you have established a good relationship with a mom, she will appreciate the efforts you make to care for her children.
* Change diapers for your friend's babies. This will not only relive your friend for a few minutes, but it's a great training moment!

The possibilities are endless--really! Below you'll find links to two books I found extremely helpful. Both of these amazing sisters in Christ share information related to this topic. (And, to many of the other items touched so far!) While you visit the links, check out their main pages.

Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? by Carolyn McCulley

Singled Out For Him by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Well, we're half way there! I'm hoping to get 6-10 done more quickly than 1-5! :) We'll see what happens!

Lie #4. I will never find fulfillment as a single woman.

2006-08-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

This will be a short post. Fulfillment is a word that runs rampant in the advertising business. We have sodas, chocolates, vacations, and an infinite range of new and exciting products that promise fulfillment. All of those things simply provide temporary fulfillment. Only Jesus Christ provides the eternal fulfillment that our souls long to experience.

Our culture sets so many defining marks for people to reach for. We graduate from high school, we go to college, we find our spouse in college, we get a job, we take some graduate study classes, we advance in our job, and on and on and on. Somehow, single christian women have been led to believe that if they do not marry (and in their 20's!) and care for their home, husband, and kids that they will never quiet find fulfillment in life. One author went so far as to say that no woman will ever be complete until she marries and has children. Do I believe that God designed man and woman to marry and procreate? Yes, I do. Do I believe that we live in a fallen world where people remain single or marry and never have children? Yes, I do. You see, only a growing, intimate relationshiop with Christ frees me from the sinful world into which I was born. Only my life with Him makes me whole.

Please don't dream away the hours feeling empty inside because you don't have a husband. Do you want to know a secret? Most married women have moments of unfulfillment and emptiness--mostly when they let their relationship with Christ slip into a dull moment. Husbands don't fulfill! Christ does!

What about being a mom? How can a single woman ever find true fulfillment if she never has the chance to become a mom? I will address that in the next post.

To end today on a "lift-me-up" note, remember that statistics show that most people will marry. Don't think that God has abandoned you or that you have lost your chance to marry. Remember Edith, a former missionary to Brazil who married for the first time in her 80's. She had to be one of the happiest and most beautiful blushing brides I have ever seen in my life.

Let Jesus fulfill your sould today!

Lie #3: I cannot truly use my gifts and talents as a woman until I am married.

2006-07-18T19:12:00.000-07:00

What?!?

Some women never marry. Some women never have children. Whether you marry or not, have children or not, if you are a woman--you are a woman! Having said that, I wish to point out that your gifts and talents come from God. God created you and He has equipped you uniquely to fulfill the plans He has made for you. As a single woman, you have many abilities and gifts that you must learn to use now. Why wait to use them if you do not know the day or the hour when God will allow you to marry?

As a child I discovered that I enjoyed learning from my mother how to cook and bake. As I grew into a woman, I developed that talent and I learned to share it with others. Some of the most fulfilling moments in my relationships with others are spent around the table enjoying a homecooked meal. I simply love trying new recipes and fixing up the table with the "nice" dishes and adornments to share a meal with friends. I learned early on in my single years that I did not need to wait for marriage to share that talent. For years I have invited other single friends--and sometimes couples--to my house to share a meal and experience the joy of communion around a table. God has used those moments in my life, as well in the lives of otheres, incredibly!

God has also given me an incredible love for children and youth, and the ability to realte to them. I definitely have not left that area unused or unfulfilled. I still do not have children of my own, but I have loved on, counseled, and discipled those that have come into my life. I have 8 nephews and 1 niece. I have changed diapers, wiped away tears, cradled little ones falling asleep, driven ball players to practice, and on and on and on. Will I ever have children? I don't know what God has planned; however, until that moment, I have learned to develop my gifts and talents in that area in the friendships I have with the children of my family and friends.

Use your talents now! God has not given you gifts and talents to hide them for "some day." Buy some fancy dishes and some candles and have friends over for a gourmet dinner. (If you can't cook it--buy it!) Invite some children over for play times or give your married with kids friends a "parents' night out" and let the kids spend the night at your place. Write that book. Compose that song. Plant a zillion flowers in the flower bed. Whatever it is that God has gifted you to do, do it now.

One last thought. One of my favorite missionary stories from my years at Camp Little Cross Roads was the story of two retired missionaries who fell in love. John (I believe that was his name) was a widower. Edith had never been married. They met and fell in love at an emeritus missionary's conference. Edith was in her 80's when they met and she had priorly served faithfully for many years in Brazil--as a single woman. Think of how many people would have missed out on the blessings God had in store for them if she had said, "Not now, Lord. I'll save these talents up until you allow me to marry." Thank the Lord for godly examples like Edith!

If you still don't find yourself convinced--reread Psalm 139 again...memorize it...and live life fully, now.

Lie #2: I need to reach a certain level of spiritual maturity before God sends me a husband.

2006-06-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

(Please excuse the tardiness! I have been down with a terrible cold these days. I think I'm getting out of it now!)

First of all, if that's the case, who sets the level? In all of my Bible studies and research for seminary papers, I never found a passage--or even a verse--that said, "When you commit no more than 5 sins a week, you will be ready to marry." That seems a little trite, I realize, but it used to make me so angry when someone would tell me, "You just haven't matured enough spiritually for marriage." Let me tell you, marriage has actually shown me how spiritually immature I am at times!

That being said, I do believe that if you have not allowed God to take center stage in her life, you might want to analyze your relationship with Him before thinking of marriage. A part of my testimony is that I truly allowed God to have my entire self. While I had moments of doubt and wondering why I had not yet married, I constantly prayed that God's will be done in my life--with or without a husband.

No, I do not believe that there exists some magical level of spiritual maturity for marriage. However, while you spend your days as a single woman, why not use the time to deepen your relationship with Christ? Instead of whining or doubting, just allow Christ to live in and through you. You'll find that, although it's not necessarily a "requirement," you will reach a more mature level of spirituality as you allow Him to fill your life completely.

Lie number 3--later this week, I hope!

LIE #1--God will give me a husband because I asked Him for one.

2006-06-26T18:05:00.000-07:00

Remember, He hears our prayers and answers them according to His will. He knows better than us what we need. Over the years, I have heard many single women say, "God will give me a husband, because I desire one", often reciting the following: "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalm 37:4, NASB).

I spent 35 years as a single person. In the 10 years I spent asking the Lord if marriage fit in His plan for me, I learned to delight myself in Him. What I learned is that the very desires I had came as a result of that delight. In other words, when I learned to delight myself in Him, His desires became my desires. You see, it cannot be the other way around. We often selfishly declare to Him, "I want this or that, and Your word says that if I delight myself in You, you'll give it to me." But, surprise! It's the other way around. We don't choose our desires first, and then delight ourselves in Him to receive them. When God, Himself, is our delight, we want nothing more than what He gives us in the moment.

I cannot tell you that I have carefully researched every verse in the Bible on prayer, although I would like to say that I have. I can tell you, though, that many of us take quite a casual approach to God's sovereignty and purpose for us and then quote things like, "If I ask Him, He'll give it to me!" I remember when I had about 17 years old and a friend of mine invited me to go to the beach with her family for a week. Oh how I wanted to go! My parents often let me go places with my friends, so imagine my surprise when my mother said, "No." I whined, I'm sure. I probably cried. But, years later, the things I didn't know about my friend's family became public knowledge, and I understood why my mother said no. She knew more than I did, and she knew that by not allowing me to go she protected me from potential harm. God knows what we need and when we need it.

Instead of struggling each day wondering why God hasn't given you what you asked Him for, why not try simply enjoying your relationship with Him? I guarantee you that as you delight yourself--honestly--in Him, His desires will become yours and before you know it, your eyes will truly turn towards Jesus.

If your husband is in His plans, He'll provide Him when the time is right. If He has another purpose for you, it will be perfect and as long as you adore Him, you will be fine.

Lie number two--later this week!

The List of Lies

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You think the time has come. You just turned 23...25...or, gasp, 30...and that spot you have saved for a diamond ring still remains available. You cry, "Oh, Lord, I cannot wait anymore! The marriage bells have rung for most of my friends and I still sit here alone! Send me a husband--any husband!" Perhaps the thoughts that crowd your mind more than anything center around all of those things you have accomplished and the years of preparation you have invested in order to become the perfect wife. Maybe that list you made has check marks all over it, and you simply know that your time has come! Your question remains the same: "Why am I still single?"

My dear friends, before you read any further, I suggest you take out your Bible and read Psalm 139. Then, return to the computer and at least give an audience to what you find written here. Of course, you must come to your own conclusions. Above all, you must honestly allow the Lord to search your heart and show you where your hope lies.

The following list contains some of the lies that circulate concerning singleness and marriage. For today, just look over the list. Check back every few days to see the list explained, number by number. Please read the list with an open mind and take time to see if these lies circulate in your own heart. Finally, please save your immediate thoughts (i.e., angry reactions) until you have seen the explanation.

As promised (but in no particular order)...

THE LIST OF LIES WE TELL OURSELVES

1. God will give me a husband because I asked Him for one.

2. I need to reach a certain level of spiritual maturity before God sends me a husband.

3. I cannot truly use my gifts and talents as a woman until I am married.

4. I will never find fulfillment as a single woman.

5. I cannot express my "maternal instincts" if I do not marry.

6. My loneliness will disappear once I am married.

7. I am content in the Lord, so now He'll send me a husband!

8. He fits my "perfect man list" perfectly--he must be "the one!"

9. If I don't find him soon, I will have to sacrifice some of my deepest convictions about marriage in order to find him.

10. I need to flirt and go out with more men--that way I'll surely find the one God has planned for me!

Check back soon for a breakdown of the list...starting with number one!

Will I Ever Be "Found?"

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He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22 (NASB)

If you borrow my Bible, you will find written in the margin beside that verse, "Will anyone ever find me, Lord?" And, underneath that comment I have written a date: May 14, 2005. Before I met my husband, that question sometimes lingered in my mind and in my heart. To the outside world, I didn't have much hope. Long before I allowed God to truly govern my life, I started to wonder why I had to experience life alone. Sure, I always had wonderful friends and a marvelous family, but that charming Edward Ferrars, who seeks the hand of Elinor Dashwood at the end of Jane Austen's "Sense and Sensibility" never seemed to seek mine. Nobody asked me to the Senior Prom. I passed through 4 years of college without meeting that "one and only." When I thought that maybe, just maybe, I had met him, it turned out that he married someone else! (I happened to leave the country on his wedding day, taking my first trip to Mexico. Isn't God amazing?) All in all, I figured my chances were over.

As I experienced dashed hope after dashed hope, I began to learn some valuable insights about God. In 1994, I surrendered my hopes for a husband to the One who created me; who knew my inner being even before I was formed in the womb. The surrender did not come easily at first. I am a woman! What woman does not long for the gaze of a man that loves her? Why do you think we like Jane Austen and movies like "The Wedding Planner?" But, little by little I allowed God to take away that focus I had kept on my lack of romance and I experienced Him replace it with a romance-of-sorts with Him. He became the one who comforted me when I felt scared. He became the one who smiled at me when I used my talents to please Him. He took away that desire to hope that each new Christian man I met might be "the one." He filled me with Himself.

Years passed. I moved to Mexico in 1999. While living in Mexico City, I turned 30. Surely that meant that my chances for a husband had passed. My friends began to have there 2nd and 3rd babies, and I started to have my 2nd and 3rd gray hairs. During my 2 years serving in Mexico City, the Lord instructed me, through His word, that He--God, the King--would call me beautiful! What comfort I received knowing that the Lord of Lords and King of Kings considered me beautiful! I reconfirmed my desire to trust Him and simply live for Him, and He kept His promises and loved me unconditionally. Even through my year and a half away from Mexico, studying at a seminary in NC--where everyone meets their spouse--God kept me for Himself. Oh, the difficult moments of wondering why came and went, but He never let me go.

In the spring of 2004, I had completed my first full year back in Mexico City. My 10 years of allowing God to romance me had also taught me incredibly. I learned to use my gifts and talents as a single woman to serve the Lord freely, without distraction. I spent time with families, observing their time together and learning from the husbands and wives. I became a "surrogate aunt" to several missionary children, using my freedom as a single woman to give their parents some breaks and build relationships with my "nieces and nephews." You see, God uses our qualities as women whether or not we have husbands. Never without a husband did I consider myself a "half-woman." A woman serving God will be a woman serving God, regardless of her marital status. Does it seem difficult at times to live in a world that pushes romance and sappy love stories? Yes, it does. I remember one evening while I rested on my couch simply crying, literally, to the Lord saying, "You know my heart! You know I love You! You know I desire to be a wife and a mother, but Your will, not mine, be done!" He kept me to Himself.

Then, later in 2004, I met Angel. Quickly, I knew that God had sent me the answer to my prayers. While I spent 10 years letting God romance me, I also prayed consistently that He would let me know when He presented my husband to me. I never prayed for a date. I never prayed for a boyfriend. I simply said, year after year, "Lord, if You have him planned for me, present him to me when You decide the time is right." And He did. What freedom! I didn't have to wonder if the cute single Sunday School teacher might find me interesting. No worries consumed me over whether or not my wonderful seminary brother might want something more than my friendship. God became my "match-maker" and I simply waited for Him to give me His best for me. And, it was worth the wait.

If you, my dear sister in Christ, find yourself waiting for that person that God has planned for you, I encourage you to use your days to their fullest. Live for God. Allow Him to keep you all to Himself. Wait for Him to say, "My beautiful daughter, here is the one I have chosen to give to you. I have prepared him to love and cherish you, as I have done thus far. I will not leave you now, but will continue to love you and strengthen you as you learn to love another." Enjoy His attention, and use your gifts and your talents that come from Him to enrich the lives of others. He knows you by name, and He knows your deepest longings. Live freely and bless His name. You, too, will be called Beautiful.

I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.
Hosea 2:19 (NIV)

Get It Going soon

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Hey folks! What is this new blog about? All will be revealed in a matter of days...I hope! :)